i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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