She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize