I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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