Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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