i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
