Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
