I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
