I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
