im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
