I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
