he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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