You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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