I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Dick very happy bro
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
