On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Randomize
