I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
My life is pants optional.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
