and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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