I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
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I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
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I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
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