I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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