paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
