Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
