Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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