It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
