your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Randomize
