Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
