where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
