Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
