i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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