i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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