turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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