Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
