he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
