I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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