They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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