Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
