Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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