That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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