he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
