i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
