Just mADE A PArabola og urine
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
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It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
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I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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