Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
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Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
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Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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