everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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