I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
there is puke in my bra ... again
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
