Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
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I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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