This girl is more easily done than said...
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
