Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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