i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
