I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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