White coat. Heels.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
