The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
