god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
