it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
