Dude my mom stole all your condoms
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
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