I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
