He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
