dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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