Those balls look pretty dangerous.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
