i jhust puked up my retainher.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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