pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
