I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
