I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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