Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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