I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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