Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize