Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
