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Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
